kidfenris.com: This Is Not My Beautiful Wife.

Ah, the things when you go browsing old posts on sites you don’t check often enough.

So, it’s been an eventful few weeks for Our Hero (me, morons), though not so much for you since I haven’t been writing anything. It also seems that me not updating with nonsense postings about ‘cutting edge’ games everyone else has already played or making fun of Nintendo Power’s promotional material has lead to an outbreak of the swine flu. I apologize, my loyal readers. By the way, a spoonful of salt washed down with some vinegar and rubbing alcohol will fix that flu right up.

…

Ok, now that anyone who believed that is weeded out of the gene pool, let me bring you up to speed on the situation here. Neither here or my comic is in danger of going under or being given up on, I’ve just been too busy to get into much of anything, and when I haven’t been, I’ve been attempting to lobotomize myself with loud, stupid, and violent video games to get my mind off of the busy parts. I’m also in the middle of packing up all my crap to move back across town since the lease expired and I think I’d like to trade up to someplace slightly safer from windstorms, has a full bath, and drinkable water.

Oh yeah. And not being across the street from the epicenter of the local high school’s pride march arrangement center or whatever will be nice too, since when I’m not looking at it, the screaming children and honking cars sound a hell of a lot like a series of fatal hit-and-runs.

Terminator: Salvation must have dropped this. Oh well, they won't notice!

[16:25] Manic: ballchin comes to mind

It’s summer, and you know what that means… if you’re an annoying, sociopath of a children’s toy collector. Yes, Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen merchandise is leaking into stores, well, the stores who wittingly or unwittingly are breaking Hasbro’s ’street date’ for the toys. Yes, sometimes even toys have big important street dates, though nobody’s being sued or whatever like with the final Harry Potter book.

So, my store was among one of them, and put out the first wave of Voyagers (the 20 dollar guys) and Leaders (the well, leaders, and other ‘big’ dudes.) They yanked the display today, presumably because Hasbro sent agents armed with guns that fire spring loaded missiles two and a half times the size of the actual gun and painted neon, because god forbid someone be hurt by a lethal weapon. But not before I got my hands on the two pieces from the line I actually give a crap about, and scrutinized the rest of them. So, without further ado:

3/2’s SUMMER BLOCKBUSTER MOVIE TIE-IN-ACTION FIGURE LINE HANDS ON PREVIEW TEASER THING

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Through a combination of personal drama, work issues, writers’ artist blocks, and now my laptop seems to be blinking off near randomly this morning, I haven’t really gotten much done to post here or that other place. I could go on and whine, piss, and moan about the specifics and cap it off with a diatribe about HOW HARD IT ALL IS AND YOU CAN’T POSSIBLY UNDERSTAND.

But I won’t. Merry Christmas!

Also there’s a lot of pretty good games to catch up on, and sometimes I’m just lazy. Here’s what I am/was writing about before my head exploded.

THE BACKLOG OF DOOM- SHORT VERSIONS!

Henry Hatsworth in the Puzzling Adventure- EA made something playable. Even… good?

SRWOMGWTFBOOBIES- This in English, and by English, I mean Russ Meyer’s Final Fantasy III.

Persona 3: FES- Yes, still this.

Updates coming to both sites soon. Pardon my dust.

Damn you, Weaselby!!

Isn’t it great that in this day and age, Nintendo systems can download hardcore pornography from the Internet more or less straight out of the box (well, with a download of the browser software.) If this was the 80’s Nintendo, they’d probably cover the naughty bits with the ‘bling’ sparklies from the DSi Graffiti menu.

I just finished MadWorld- and so should you! But this ties in with my thinking about ‘old nintendo,’ in that as violent as it is, the thing is it’s all presented in such an over the top, cartoony way that if MadWorld were say, an old 2-D sidescroller, people wouldnt have probably batted an eye. Course, at that resolution, all the blood and gore would probably amount to three or four red pixels flying from chainsawed enemies.

We need more games like this, seriously. It’s a high-score encouraging, largely free roaming, arcade style beat em up. And even if the “LOOKIT ME, I’M FRANK MIRRA” veneer the producers put on it is all that people walk away from the adverts with, it’s good we got at least one more game of this kind on a non portable system, and on the Wii to boot! It even manages to use waggle controls in a not completely awful way that complements the existing, pretty basic controls. Mash A to rough a guy up. Hold A down and you grab them. Swing the Wiimote while you have em in a choke-hold, and you throw them a good distance away for crowd control’s sake. Swing up for an uppercut to launch enemies. Press the B trigger and swing to unleash your arm mounted chainsaw. Sometimes the Power Struggle quick-time events are a little annoying, but when you pass one it almost always results in a pleasingly messy finish. You tear a Nazi’s arms off and beat him with them, for crying out loud! All the while dark, gritty hip hop..ish music about how crazy and kickass YOU are plays. I’m not really quite sure what to call Japanese produced rap tunes that sound like they were done by white people, but all the names I come up with sound pretty racist.

So I posit we call the Persona 3 and Madworld soundtracks ‘Nip-Hop.’

What was I talking about again? Oh yeah. Nintendo Wii has porn, cussing, and gruesome chainsaw murder. That makes up for a library of almost nothing but liscensed shovelware and bland, gimmicky family games, right? RIGHT?!  Actually, MadWorld and Virtual Console have pretty much justified the Wii purchase for me. More than Brawl, anyway.